Protector of sharks and other defenseless creatures

Nate Campbell, Attorney for the Defense
Defendant:  The Shark

                                  

Nate--Defense Attorney:  Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we are here today because this poor creature (indicating the shark) is sorely misunderstood.  The Shark is unnecessarily feared by people and I feel it is my duty to educate you people on the true nature of sharks of all kinds.

Robyn--Judge:  You may proceed.

Nate:  To begin with, most sharks don't even like the taste of humans.  They don't wake up in the morning and say to themselves, "I'm feeling murderous today.  I'm going to go eat myself a human."  No.  That's not it at all.  The fact is, that they don't even like the taste of humans and the only reason they eat humans is because when they look up from down in the depths of the sea, human legs in flippers look like a seal's flippers--which is a reasonable mistake to make if you're a shark.  Let's look at them together.  I refer you to Exhibit A.


 EXHIBIT A

 

Judge:  So noted.  What now?

Nate:  Would you like me to tell you how to avoid a shark attack ?

Judge:  Absolutely.

Nate:  Well, if a human is in the water and sees a shark he needs to remain CALM.

Grace--Prosecutor:  Objection!  How on earth is a person to remain calm if a shark is attacking?

Nate:  The shark WON'T attack if you remain calm.  In order to make sure that what it is about to eat is actually edible, a shark will nudge it first.  If it moves then it knows it's alive and will eat it.  So all a person has to do is not move or quietly swim away.

Prosecutor:  So are you supposed to just roll over and play dead like with a bear?

Nate:  I recommend swimming away BEFORE the shark gets there.  May I finish, Judge (as he looks pointedly at the Prosecutor)?

Judge:  Please do.

Nate:  In conclusion, I want to remind you that sharks are God's creatures.  They aren't trying to hurt people.  They are just trying to stay alive like we are.  There may be one or two types of sharks that eat people just for the fun of it but they are very rare.  So please, I ask you to look in your heart and find room to accept and love this wonderful creature.

Based on a conversation in the car while driving home from the cousins.