Nate's Christmas present to Maddie

Nate had Maddie this year for Christmas.  He gave her some body spray and this "epistle".

Dear Sister,

I love thee. I love thy fraygrance and thy manner of which thy holdest thine self. Thou art the perfect example of what a good woman should pride herself in. You do not focus on the outside but the inside appearance of anyone . As thou growest older in thy years, you have become most wise in knowledge. Now hearken unto my words: You have many good friends and have a good family. Keep them close. In my old age I have lost so many things such as my sexy looks and my ability to attract females like a magnet.    Sister dear, as I stood in the line of Bath and Body works holding the body spray of Endless Weekend I do believe that my man card was about to be snatched from me but I want you to know that(cue music and Burno Mars) 

I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my head on a plate for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby

But you WOULD do the same.

I do hope that you will enjoy this Christmas season with joy and happiness.

I close mine epistle: I am Nathaniel Rodney Campbell the third and heir to too many countries that I can't name all of them right now.

Maddie reading the epistle.