Aunt Flo: Yoo hoo! Surprise!
Bronte: (under breath) Oh no. (Out loud) Aunt Flo… I wasn’t expecting your visit until next week, and why did you have to come in the middle of a school day?
Aunt Flo: Well you’ve been under a lot of stress lately with the end of term and all, and I decided you needed me sooner so I came early!
Bronte: How generous of you. Ugh, I see you’ve brought Bloat and Cramps with you.
Aunt Flo: Well of course I did! I never visit you without them, and I know how devastated you would be if they didn’t come.
Bronte: Oh yes, I’d be positively crying my eyes out.
Aunt Flo: That’s the spirit!
Bronte: I hate being a girl.
Aunt Flo: Let’s not get all mean and grumpy now.
Bronte: What can I say; it’s just another thing your visits do to me.
Aunt Flo: Watch that attitude missy. My job isn’t all roses and rainbows, you know. Every month I have to pay a visit to every female on this planet between the ages of twelve and fifty. I get enough complaints already and I don’t need it from you too. If you must whine, go do it at your best friend or your mom, because I’m sick of it.
Bronte: (sigh) So how long do you expect you’ll stay this time?
Aunt Flo: Oh I don’t know… Four days maybe? A week? I haven’t decided yet. It will be a surprise!!
Bronte: But… I’m not exactly prepared for your visit. Maybe you should come some other time?
Aunt Flo: Oh you know I will. If you kept track of my visits you would be better prepared. I distinctly remember your mother telling you to put little stars on the calendar to mark the beginning and ending of my visits. And I believe I sent Acne ahead to warn you of my visit, don’t you remember?
Bronte: Vividly. So Aunt Flo I’ve been meaning to ask you… What is the purpose of your visits?
Aunt Flo: Well my dear, when it is time for a girl to become a woman certain things have to happen before that change is completed. My visits, as you have undoubtedly discovered, are just the beginning of many changes that will take place before you can become a woman. And you know, if I never came, you would never have the chance to be a mother. In fact, if I never came there would be no people on this planet at all!
Bronte: I guess that makes sense. But why must you come so very often? I wouldn’t mind if you came only once a year, and I know how busy you are, visiting every woman on the planet and all. I’m sure it wouldn’t be too much trouble to skip me for a few months would it?
Aunt Flo: Oh honey that’s not how it works! I have specific instructions to visit you once every month. Just think! If I only came once a year there would be considerably less children around.
Bronte: Okay. But do you have to bring Bloat and Cramps? It would make your visits a lot more pleasant without them tagging along, you know.
Aunt Flo: Oh my dear that’s not for me to decide, you see—
Bronte: Why not? I have an idea, why don’t you send them to the boys! I’m sure it would be a very eye opening experience for them. Even better, why don’t you just start visiting the boys? I’m sure you get tired of always visiting us girls. We’re whiny, we don’t appreciate you, and when you visit all we do is complain! I think boys deserve to know how… interesting your visits can be, don’t you?
Aunt Flo: Darling, it doesn’t work like that. I was made solely for girls and women.
Bronte: But why?
Aunt Flo: Well truthfully, it’s because boys and men simply wouldn’t be able to handle a visit from me, especially every month! Think about the boys you know. Don’t they get awkward every time I’m even mentioned? One visit from me and they would need therapy!
Bronte: (laughing) That’s true. I just wish I could enjoy your visits instead of dread them. Is there really nothing you can do about Bloat, Cramps and Acne?
Aunt Flo: Sorry hon, you’ll have to take that up with Mother Nature and DNA. In the meantime, a Tylenol should calm them down. Don’t worry, I’ll be gone before you know it!
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